I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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