On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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