Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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