TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
