I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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