I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
