So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
