I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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