i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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