i may or may not be watching the land before time
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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