okay pat passed out under dana's car
I need to stop coming to work sober
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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