it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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