so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
