Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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