whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
MIDGETS
????
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
