Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
