You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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