I was born with a shot glass in my hand
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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