I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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