So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
