My room smells like vodka and shame
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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