So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
is wine microwaveable?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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