Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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