Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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