I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize