i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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