Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
there's paper in my vomit.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
