so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
