i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
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In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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