you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
