If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
