It's like God shit irony all over that family
i will never coherently bang her
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
