I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
