i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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