If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
