I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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