also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
