It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
