omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
