My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.