WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.