WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
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that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??