My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?