maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
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So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.