okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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