How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
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You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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