Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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