I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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