After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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