arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
