I accidentally had phone sex last night
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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