Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You were trust falling into bushes
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
