After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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