im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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