Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
