my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
