went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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