PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
