Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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