Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
