Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I woke up under a house in Key West
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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