He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
