I got chris browned last night
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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