white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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