Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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